I'm not too sure why, but recently I have had pageants on the brain! I guess it may be because I was looking at my New Year Resolutions and one of them says "Do a pageant." I ALMOST went through with one, but then something told me not to. It was probably the fact that it was short notice and I was swamped in college work, so um... nah! Eventually though, I DO want to do another one. I love 'em!
Pageants are something that you either love or you hate. Also, a lot of people have misconceptions about pageants! It's not all about little fat kids covered in make-up. Pageants include interviews, on-the-spot questions about the world, and community service. You have to have beauty AND brains.
Now, I have been on both sides of the spectrum in pageants. I have only done two pageants and for my first one I was crowned queen, for the other, I was given a gift bag and shooed away. You win some, you lose some!
My first pageant was very exciting. I had never had a "pageant dress" or understood the difference between a pageant walk and a model walk and all of the other things pageant related. This pageant was held at my school and there was only one outfit and one walk and that was Evening wear. There was no interview, no on-the-spot questions, nothing complicated! My category consisted of some juniors and some seniors.
I had no idea how to feel about winning or losing, I just wanted to do well. But I did want that tiara! I mean, who wouldn't? Before I went up on the stage all I could think was "Cynthea, do NOT fall, smile, and keep that eye contact with the judges!" So once I got on the stage, that's exactly what I did. I kept the eye contact, smiled the whole time even when my cheeks were shaking, and fought through the stage-fright (Yes! I have stage-fright...bad!) After every girl goes, the judges finish up with their scoring and call all of the girls up for one last look. This time you're a little more relaxed because you've already had your time in the spot light. You just have to give the judges that reassurance that they should make you queen. They ask all the girls to turn a couple times and they get their last looks at the dresses and that's it!
After all of that is done....it is time for the crowning. The moment that everybody is there for. I was so nervous and tried to keep my smile up because I didn't want to look like a poor sport if I wasn't crowned or given anything. And I sure wasn't! I didn't get anything until the only thing was left. It was between myself and another girl. At that moment, I thought, "Wow, I really didn't get anything...after all of this. It's okay, relax!" Then the announcer says, "This years 2011 Christmas Belle Queen is....Cynthea Corfah!" My mom screamed so loud! It was truly one of the best moments of my life so far. They put the tiara on my head, handed me flowers, and it was just great. All the hard work, practice, and nervousness just becomes completely erased.
About less than a year later, I was nominated by my school to do a local pageant. My high school had only ever won once, so that was a bit nerve wracking but I was confident! Little did I know this pageant was a whole new ball park. There was so much that you needed to have and that you had to do! I had come from little baby pageant to the big leagues! For this one there was casual wear, evening wear, an interview portion, a dance routine, and payments that were ridiculous in my mind.
This time around, if anything could wrong, it did! I couldn't afford a dress so I had to sew on rhinestones one by one onto my first pageant dress. I felt that I needed to take it up a notch if I really wanted a shot at winning! Also, the theme of the casual wear was "Western." Western! I mean, seriously? I am a tall, black girl, from the Washington D.C. area and they wanted me to wear cowboy boots.... *face palm.* Then, my mom was gone all month on duty (she is in the military.) So everything that had to be gathered and done, would be all my responsibility.
The day of the pageant, everything started out swell. I had my interview and I felt like it went great! (Little did I know I was getting points taken off for not having my nails done, and the metallic tint of my suit...yes, the judges look at E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.) After the interview, things started getting tough. There were issues with my makeup and I ended up running late...real late. So late that I ran into the building of the pageant, put on my outfit and at that moment I had to go up on stage and do the dance. It was cray-cray. THEN, to make things even worse, my body wanted to act all anorexic on me and my dress was slipping right off my body. My black bra would not stop showing from the back, so the ladies back stage told me to take it off, so I did! I went on stage braless! Terrified that once I was up there my dress would fall to my ankles revealing all of my goodies!
Once I was on stage and doing my thing, everything felt so right. I was confident in both of my walks and very proud of myself for doing all these things by myself. I thought to myself, whatever happens...happens. The end of the pageant came around and it was time for the crowning. I looked out into the crowd only to see my boyfriend and my best friend. I really wished my mom was there so she could flash me a funny face and make the nervousness go away. Awards were given out and I just thought, there is no way I will leave here empty handed, there is just no way! Award after award after award....no Cynthea. And then, they announced the top five....again, no Cynthea. My heart sunk on the inside, but I smiled on the outside, I knew how the pageant game was and I didn't want to show that I was hurting on the inside.
That night as I laid in bed, I replayed everything. From my interview to my last step on the stage. I just kept thinking and asking myself what I did wrong.
Weeks later I received my scores in the mail. I was surprised to see both the scores and the criticism! They were not low scores, not at all! So that gave me a little relief, but it was the criticism that had me in disbelief.
One said, "Need to cover bruising better." Biggest insult considering I have eczema and my stress during the time of the pageant didn't help the flaring up.
"Nails are not manicured." That one really sucked because I literally got my nails done right after the interview. Another said, "Suit needs to have a matte finish." For this one, I was like really? C'mon now.
That whole eczema comment has kinda been my drive to keep going. I know that I can't stop there! I was born with eczema and I'll have it till who knows when, it is dry flaky skin patches that look horrible. I hate it, but I live with it, and I don't let it dull my shine. I want to be a pageant queen that is far from perfect, but has flaws that she can flaunt and be proud of, because no one likes a Dalmatian without it's spots.
xoxo
Cynthea
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