Yeah, I know...the title of this entry is a bit vulgar, huh? Sorry if I offended anyone but you shouldn't be reading this blog if you weren't ready for the real stuff! So boo hoo! When I said I want balls for Christmas I didn't mean that after Christmas I plan on changing my gender, what I mean is that I really need to take my own advice and start being more assertive. It really is true when they say the nice guys finish last! My whole life people have always described me as "nice." Although nothing is wrong with that, if being "nice" means that I get taken advantage of and stepped on, then I don't want to be it.
I'm that one friend who supports you throughout everything EVEENNN when you and I both know you are in the wrong. I'm that one friend who you tell all of your secrets to because you know you can trust me. I'm also that one friend you can laugh with, dance with, and cry with all in the same night. I mean, I'd really like to think that I'm one heck of a friend! The sad thing is....for us girls its often hard for us to find that one friend for US.
Now, trust me this is not my way of having a pity party but it IS my way of documenting that a change has to happen. And when I write it down, it makes it a whole lot easier to slap in my face and do it. Although I am in college now, girls still play the same mind-games they did in high school and I don't want to go throughout the rest of my life being the way I always have been. Living my life on egg shells, afraid to hurt feelings, avoiding confrontation, aiming to please everyone I feel is depending on me. Note to self: the world will go on with or without you. People will continue to live just the way they were before you came along. And it's true!
So, in relation to the title of this entry, I will aim to have my balls BEFORE Christmas, so Santa won't have to waste his time getting them from...wherever he would get balls from...
To make it official, I will write a public letter to myself with a list of the accomplishments and things I will work on by Christmas. Will I have friends after this change happens? THAT, I cannot promise! But the ones who really love me for me will accept the change and respect it. For the others....don't let the door hit you on your back side biznitch!
Dear Self,
Can you please try manning up a little bit? I mean seriously, you are letting these people take full control of you! You are way better than that. From here on out, you must and I mean MUST say "no" if you don't want to go somewhere, or do something with someone, or if you literally just can't! You cannot wait on people, slavery is over woman! Listen to your own advice, I mean read your own gosh darn blog if necessary! Why give 100% to a relationship when the other person is only giving 20? No ma'am, not cool. Don't let it happen again. You are a boss! A bad mamma jamma! A five foot, ten inches goddess! So act like it, or else you will spend the rest of your life working under someone else's commands and you will never be satisfied.
You can do this. Stop living in fear! Now, lets grow these balls!
Love,
Cynthea Corfah
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